What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 02:31
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were not on the streets..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
How do you handle family members who ask for handouts?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Who then, do I blame.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
How can I easily get rid of my writers block?
Was to survive, this bastard.
My life is so biszare .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
A father of 3 felt healthy. Then a routine screening found a rare, deadly illness. - CBS News
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I have no regrets .
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I'm British and I hate my glasses. Are prescription glasses better in New York City?
We all went to grammer schools
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She loved him until the end.
I said to her
This $1 Food Could Help Fight Diabetes and Heart Disease - SciTechDaily
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was in good health!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One cannot live in the past .
I was seconnd youngest,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And i lived it daily.
I waited trembling.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was scared of men, in general
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I think the readers, may guess!
But, we were locked up after school.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I write beautiful poetry .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ive learnt so much.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im still living with it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was 9 years of age.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Put me off passion for life!!
It was going to be , some day.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Comes on , in middle age.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was very sick at this time too.
I will be 64.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
This is soul school!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She found it foreign!.
What did i know ?
So whats the point in blame.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
All the time i was locked up.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But ive been too sick for many years..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Would this be the day?
My family never makes their pension either.
I don,t even have a pension.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She married twice! .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
So, i spoilt her more .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When she asked me how she looked .
He knew the spot.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it wasn’t much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.